


Don't Let Go

by J_EnotsoLovely



Series: Love Is Pain [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Break Up, Drinking, Getting Back Together, M/M, Medication, Misunderstandings, Open to Interpretation, Overdosing, Recreational Drug Use, Suicide Attempt, Toxic Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28365498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_EnotsoLovely/pseuds/J_EnotsoLovely
Summary: The blonde wants to cry again when he realizes that even with his hands pinned above his head, Zoro is cradling his wrists lightly, careful to handle them with care.
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Series: Love Is Pain [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2067420
Comments: 28
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

The first time they break up, Sanji cries. He cries and he yells and says _fuck you, get out._ Zoro puts out his hands, face in a mask of shock and he tries to reason, his voice soft, placating. Pleading. _Hey, Curly, wait-_

But Sanji's so fucking sick of waiting. So sick of letting the idiot walk all over him. He doesn't want to be some sort of fuck toy anymore. He doesn't want to go to bed feeling like a used condom and cum rag. 

He doesn't _want it._

But he can't deny the way his heart breaks at Zoro's twisted expression of pain, and the way it smooths out into cool indifference. The officer doesn't even slam the door on his way out, and somehow it makes everything feel worse. 

Sanji cries. And then he cries even more when he remembers the flash of pale blue hair and big doe eyes, of pert red lips latched onto a strong neck and tan hands enveloping petite arms.

The first time they get back together is when Sanji learns that what he saw was a big fucking misunderstanding. Hiyori, her name is, is a Law student that Zoro helps. _She gets like that. But she doesn't mean anything by it. I was pushing her off when you walked in._

When Zoro comes back to explain, it clear that he's angry. But Sanji never does well with masculine anger directed at him, so he yells right back. They get in yet another fight and the officer manages to get him down. 

The blonde wants to cry again when he realizes that even with his hands pinned above his head, Zoro is cradling his wrists lightly, careful to handle them with care. _"Don't let me go."_ Sanji whispers and the officer stares with wide eyes.

It means a thousand things.

_Love me._

_Care for me._

_Stay._

_Please._

_I can't do this without you._

_You disgust me._

_I hate you._

_But I'm selfish._

_I'm selfish._

_So Stay._

_Don't let me fall any more in love with you._

_Don't let me fall._

The chef doesn't think he imagines the fear that floods those amber orbs. He doesn't think he imagines the helpless expression that befalls his lover. He doesn't think he imagines the panic.

He doesn't think he mishears the word. The Name.

_"Kuina."_

In the end, Zoro leaves, grabbing a beer and walking out the door. 

This time it slams.

He doesn't come back. 

Sanji doesn't know how he knows that it's over, but he does. 

He buries himself in cigarettes, and when they're not enough he finds more. There's a dark alley, a strange man, an exchange, and infestation of unknown chemicals flooding his body. 

There's a high, so high he feels like he's flying. His vision is blurred and head is in the clouds. Everything disappears. 

He passes out in an alley. 

Someone carries him home, and Sanji isn't sure but he he thinks he sees a flash of green. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a disclaimer, that this series "Love Is Pain" are all unrelated One Shots. They don't take place in the same universe, though they carry the same themes which is why might almost seem like crossovers. 
> 
> This fic and Black Magic are in the same world. 
> 
> Tw: Suicide Attempts (kind of, not really)

The second time they break up, Sanji gets wasted. He goes to Nami's place, throws on a pair of panties and lets his inner maiden loose. He spends the night wailing and whining and crying, draped over a couch with a glass of wine in one hand and unlit cigarette in the other.

Soon he's hiccuping, mascara running along the path his tears took, staining his cheeks with soot colored messiness. He cries even more when he sees his reflection in the glass, thinking _this is why he cheats. This is why he leaves me._

Because Sanji is weak. Sanji is soft hearted, he's not strong enough for someone like Zoro. 

Nowhere near. 

Nami is a surprisingly good listener. Though he supposes that the down payment he gives her upon entering the apartment works wonders as well. 

Its somewhere in the middle of a long tirade that Sanji remembers that he didn't take his anti-depressants. Or rather, he didn't take his "special dose." Fumbling clumsily, he gropes blindly, stopping when he finds his jacket, reaching in and pulling out the comforting orange bottle. 

The gorgeous woman says something, but the chef doesn't hear, focused on the beauties in the palm of his hand. He pours out 6 pills. Two more than his prescribed a day and one less than whats recommended in the span of twenty four hours. 

He sighs, knowing that his bottle was close to being empty much too soon. And that he couldn't go back for more, which meant that he'd have to deal without for at least a week, two possibly. The chef eyes the 6 pills in his hand, then eyes the 6 pills still in the bottle and figures that if he's going to drown, he might as go out in style. He glances over at the whine, and sees just enough, feeling giddy and a budding excitement.

Just as he lifts his hand, something grabs him and in surprise he jumps, scattering the anti-depressants all over the floor. He watches his only chance at happiness roll under a fashionable couch and feels like crying all over again.

But then he sees Nami's expression and wants to hide. Because she's shocked, brown eyes open wide with worry. Stupidly, a thought enters his head that her eyes look like chocolate drops and the chef has to restrain a laugh. 

Clearly he fails because now Nami is back in his face, touching his cheek and saying something that doesn't quite connect with his brain. A little late, the words come and he sees that she thinks he was going to overdose.

For some morbid reason, he finds it funny. He raises his wine glass ~~doesn't even know how he's managed to hold on to it for so long~~ and the red liquid sloshes over the edge of the rim, staining the spot on his shirt, right over his heart.

To his alcohol muddled brain, its tragically romantic. 

"Live and die young. Leave a beautiful carcass." He sings practically, voice lilting as his head lolls, a dopey smile playing on his lips. He can't tell for sure, but it seems as though the finance worker is disturbed. Sanji's not in the right state of mind so he doesn't worry about it. 

Instead he wants to sleep, wants to curl in a ball and _not_ think about a certain mosshead. 

Right on cue, the wine glass slips from his hands and breaks, pieces scattering all over the ground. He pushes Nami off, letting out a slurred curse and bends over on the couch to pick up the closest shard.

It slices into his palm, but there's no pain only morbid fascination. His blood bubbles up to the surface, slow at first, as though shy, and then gushing almost, with a confidence the chef could only _hope_ to emulate.

The redhead shrieks and screams and Sanji thinks he hears her say something about his hands. _"Livelihood. They're your livelihood."_

He's too tired and his tongue is too heavy, alcohol laden to tell her that he has no life without Zoro. So he just doesn't answer.

She cleans and wraps his wound and by the time she's finished he feels a little more sober. "Can't you tell he's broken?" Nami asks him and once more he has to hold in a laugh at risk of sounding crazy.

"If he's broken, I'm shattered." He hiccups in replacement of a snort and glances at the woman, motioning for another cigarette, which she hands to him. He takes a long drag, toxin making his stomach flip and forces the bile down. "Nobody ever told me love is painful."

Its always like this. It'll always _be_ like this.

The two of them. Dancing around each other, picking up each other's fragments and trying desperately to piece it back together again-- no matter how much it cuts them up.

They bleed together, blood mingling and merging until neither knows which belongs to who. 

They're trapped.

And neither wants to leave.

its not love, but its something close. Something twisted. Something completely _them._

So when Sanji goes home later ~~having long forgotten why he and Zoro even broke up in the first place~~ he kisses the officer like his life is on the line, which it _is_ , in a way.

Zoro places a tender kiss over the gauze on his hand, so soft that its sickening. Its followed by a gentle caress. He places a kiss on the wine stain over Sanji's heart. He presses his lips on the spot and lets it sit.

The officer doesn't speak, but the chef doesn't need him to.

They're together again, and thats all that matters. 

That they haven't let go. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to feel sorry for Zoro now >:)

The third time they break up is when Zoro calls Luffy and asks him for Red Hair's number. His best friend gets a serious look in his eye but hands it over, bangs shadowing his eyes.

"Don't die." Is all Luffy says and Zoro doesn't respond because he won't make a promise he can't keep. 

The man is jovial as always, even when the swordsman requests a match. A match with _that_ man specifically. He isn't ready for it, not by any means, but reason is long gone. There are hardly _ever_ reasons anymore. Sanji yells, Sanji screams, Sanji _kicks_ and Zoro leaves because he's a coward.

Sanji is overwhelming, Sanji is so much. So much, _too much._

Or maybe Zoro just isn't _enough._

He doesn't know and he's not so much of a liar to say he doesn't care so he gets on his motorcycle and makes his way to Shank's pub. The air is dank, pungent and smells of sex and blood. The redhead meets him at the door with a wide, guileless grin. Its in moments like these that make the man wonder if Luffy is really the son of Dragon. 

The drunkard pats him on the shoulder, slurring some joke that Zoro doesn't completely but also isn't totally listening to. Maybe sensing the serious atmosphere, he seems to sober, and leads the swordsman to the downstairs room.

It reeks of sweat and the stench makes his blood curdle. In the center of a particularly large crowd is _him._ Dracule Hawkeye Mihawk.

Zoro shouldn't be here. He shouldn't getting ready to do this.

"Mihawk," he drawls, plastering a cocky smirk on his face despite his true torment. "Fight me."

Zoro shouldn't be here, but its not like he has a boyfriend to go home to. Let alone a home. He doesn't have a _damn_ thing. It's not like Sanji wants him and the realization almost makes his knees buckle. Mihawk drills holes into him, before turning away dismissively. 

"Not tonight, Roronoa." he says and the swordsman feels the measly strand of his pride snap. Not even his rival wants him anymore.

Is he really _that_ pathetic?

He really shouldn't be surprised though, eventually everything fades away. Even the brightest of colors, and hottest of flames turn gray, drab and worthless. Zoro just seems to be reaching his expiration date sooner than expected. 

He's rough, uncouth, undesired and he wanted someone like _Sanji._ He tries and fails to hold back a snort at such a foolish desire. 

_It's bound to be tragic. There's no way this ever could've lasted._

Zoro steals someone's drink and takes a large swig, a shot of bravery. 

He attacks Mihawk.

He loses.

But of course he does. He's weak. 

And no one wants to be with someone who's weak. 


	4. Chapter 4

Sanji looks at the blood pooling around Zoro's body. There's a morbid part of him that wants to find a piece of chalk and see if he can trace a body. 

His hands shake as he reaches for a cigarette, wondering if the comforting scent and taste of nicotine would be enough to drown out the metallic flavor invading his nose and mouth.

He glances over at Zoro and wonders why there's no panic. He wonders why he feels relief, _it's strange,_ he thinks, because Zoro never did anything the blond didn't deserve. 

There's Nami's voice in his head, telling him that his boyfriend would only hurt him, except the big, green fucking idiot _never_ does.

Because Sanji knows. Sanji knows what he's trying to do, with the occasional cheating, the obsessive drinking and late nights out. He knows it nothing, not really. Law even told him once, that all Zoro did was pay him to get in the bed naked. He hears from Shanks that Zoro got reckless and fought Mihawk. The damn man himself gave Sanji a consoling pat on the shoulder, and a glance that could pass for sympathetic.

 _Zoro is bad with words._ Law tells him, a tiny, curious smirk on his face. _The way his brain works to solve issues in ways that avoid talking is astounding. I'd love to dissect him._

 _You know, he really does love you._ Shanks laughs as he talks, but there's nothing fake or mocking about it. _He looks at you like you're the only god he's ever believed in._

 _Can't you see he's hurting you?_ Goes Nami, eyes filled with unshed tears because she hates being forced to take sides, she really does. 

_Take care of Zoro._ Luffy commands with a dark gaze, before melting into a warm smile. _Shihihi I know you will! You love him! And Zoro loves you too! Sooooo much!_

So Sanji knows. 

Zoro doesn't think he's worth Sanji. He doesn't think he can do anything for the blond. But he can't open his goddamn mouth either and so he pushes the chef away.

That fucking _coward._

The swordsman must be bleeding more than he thought, because now the blond can feel the back of his thigh get wet, blood traveling further until it reached the hem of his boxers.

He understands, with a flash of clarity, what's happened. Zoro let go.

Zoro who promised to hold on. 

Zoro let go, and left Sanji all alone. 

He glances down at his hands and stares blankly at the knife, wondering when it made its way into his grip. 

It never occurs to him that _he's_ the one who cut the thread between them. 

The scent of blood is almost overwhelming. The nicotine doesn't help. 

He closes his eyes, not realizing at his fingers are intertwined with this person he's devoted his life to.

This person that he loves.

Who loves him back.

This twisted poison that belongs solely to them, and they to each other. 

Sanji wakes Up.

Zoro doesn't. 

* * *

_Couldn't stand Loving You, So I became Heartless_

\- G-Eazy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can decide if Zoro is dead or asleep!
> 
> I really hope i got the twisted aspect across.  
> they *are* happy together.  
> But they aren't *good* for each other.  
> this is totally supposed to be a mind fuck


End file.
